Breaking the Circle of Worry: How to Stop Anxiety from Spiraling
This week, while I was walking my obnoxious and overzealous German Shepherd dogs, a huge bird flew above me. Being a city gal for 45 years and having JUST moved to country life, I am learning that not all spiders are bad, stars are amazing and it’s important to check my boots for “volunteers.”
I live in the sticks outside of San Antonio. Our visitors are composed of deer, lots of deer, and occasionally the Amazon van. On six acres, we don’t hear much. It was quite a transition to move here from the Austin city hustle and bustle. Obviously, no pizza delivery.
The bird visitor circled for days. It was like he was looking for something. I didn’t see anything near me that looked like prey. He just kept circling my house rooftop.
And, I began to think about worry. Worry is not actually productive. The bird, like worry or anxiety, was how it feels when thoughts are going in circles. The bird did not move forward. The bird did not move backward. The bird was stuck in a pattern above me in the sky.
He had all of this space to fly. He, unlike me, was not afraid of heights. He could do anything. He could see everything. But, he was stuck in a circle for hours. He had all of this potential, but he could not move forward. There had to be more to see than my yard.
Worry is like this circling bird. It’s like watching a record go round and round and round.
The words “What if?, like the bird, circling in our heads.
- What if it does not work out?
- What if I can’t do what I thought I could?
- What if my child fails?
- What if? What if? Our thoughts get stuck.
And, then, there’s a counter thought that stops the record from going round and round.
What if it all works out? What if things do work as they are meant to be? What if this journey is actually preparing me for what’s next?
The bird eventually moved on, though he circled our home for two solid days. The interesting idea though was he could see way more than I could see from my point of view. He could see his future beyond the trees. I could only see the now and what’s in front of me- -dogs chasing deer smells.
The circling bird challenged me to consider what’s ahead. It also challenged my circle of worry. When I have become my own worry monster, I am not moving anywhere. I am missing the moment. I am also not moving forward. I also may end up missing something great.
Next time, you are tempted to play the what-if record, why not challenge it, change the song. It might take a little extra effort, but it may be worth it to get to the other side.
Reagan O’Hare, MA, M Ed, LPC is a therapist that works with children, teens and young adults at our San Antonio office. Reagan is also available via telehealth services.
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